Comedy field camp.

Field Camp. Basic military traning.

One whole big comedy show! fuking pissed myself with laughter whole bloody day and night.

after being on that island PulauT for a few weeks, the instructors, having inparted unto us many things like sticking big fukin leafs on our helmets, face painting with three colors, making coins bounce on bunk beds and being able to drink out of the urinal, decided to treat us to a one night sleep over in the middle of the forest.

called field camp.

the whole company would camp out in the wilderness. enjoy the night out. smell the night air. listen to the fukin noisy crickets. enjoy eating crap called combat rations. learn how to make a temporary  shitting and pissing area. build your own tent. how to wash up and take your shower in the jungle.

you know, have a fun time basically. enjoy the starry night. maybe can see shooting stars too.

So we packed up. took wad we had to take. every one carried everything. other than the truck with certain things. we got there in the afternoon.

the area we were in was very strictly controlled. white tape. markers. no go zones. we were told not to wonder off. work with your buddy. never go anywhere without him or telling him. always stay in twos. the instructors were very clear about this. NO wondering off alone.

so we got there. pitched our “tents”. dug holes. laid white tapes. set up tables. tents for the instructors. potable generators for them, non for us.

we were briefed on so many things.  we even had to do guard duty. two of us walking round the “camp” site, changing every hour.

As this was our first time being out in the woods, we were, hmm.. a bit lost too. we kept fuking things up. tents would collapse. people would trip on their own guide wires. eating the combat rations too. lol. that was a mess too. all carried out with candles.

we were shown how to do basic jungle survival. just the basics. non of the complicated shit the cor-men-dos do. we were training to be infantry. there`s always food and water round us!

Being the first time, we were not shouted at much. if they did, it was for the proper reasons. not like the past few weeks, we were shouted at for every single thing, right or wrong.

Now, looking back, I know why. ill explain later.

So, as the sun set, things started to settle down. those on guard duty started their rounds.

ohh.. surprise! they dished out instant noddles! wtf? lol. here we were, trying to cook bloody noodles in the dark, candles. there was much cursing and shouting by all for the next hour. lol. instructors were there to joke with us. there to guide us. hehe. I was thinking, I could get used to this. this is fun fun fun!

things settled down again. it seemed like a dam holiday camping trip. just a bit stuffy with all the humidity.

oh no! not end of the night!. FALL IN FALL IN FALL IN. lol.  fall in meant we were to get outa the tent, and stand in front of it. boots on or not, u stand there fast. just make sure you got your dam gun with you.

“ who lost his gun? “   huh oh….  “ who the fuker forgot his gun? knn! “

 some one had fallen asleep, and did not hold onto his wife. his wife was taken away and fuked by one of the instructors.

the poor chap came forward. did 20 push ups. got shouted at. loudly! think the instructor did that so every one could hear wtf was going on. and also learn to fukin secure their guns.

To secure your gun, means, lol u sleep on the dam thing. or part of it.

k. every one by now is kinda sleepy. been a long day. and its fukin 11pm. fuk cant we just sleep?

nearly……. I though. 

u see. one thing we all have not done. we would have done it in camp. but out here, we have not done. its to have your “ shower”. the military demands a high standard of personnel grooming. cant have you sleeping not having bathed or showered can we now?

so they decided we had to have our shower. a proper one. they don’t trust us to do it alone.

fuk I nearly shat my pants. the amount of thunder flashes that went off. each instructor I think let of about 5 each. fuk me was it loud. and it went on for about 30 seconds. as we all stood to attention outside the tent, the time according to my casio g shock hardcore watch, 1230hrs. 

fuk wad a time to have a shower. lol. I started to find it all very funny. at this point, the giggles started.

being asleep, we were all in different states.

some had their tops off. some on.

some had their pants rolled up.

some had no boots on.

some had no socks on.

some had boots on.

some were just in their pants.

but no one was in their underpants. you don’t do that in the forest. this is just basic military training. we were all in the dry set of cloths we carry. we don’t “sleep” in the day ones, wet most likely.

“ ok all” shouted some one.

“ time to do your powder bath. you all know wad to do. carry on.”

“ inspection in 20 mins”

wow! not bad. 20 mins to shower.

ok. I better explain wad a powder bath is.

you get out your bottle of powder. be it normal or those “cold” ones. you rub yourself down.

your toes, in between them too.

your feet, both of them.

your legs.

your ass crack.

your balls.

your dick.

your belly.

your arm pits.

your back. if cant reach, get your buddy to do it before he rubs his ball and ass crack.

your upper body.

your neck

your face

your ears.

your head if you so wish.

it wont clean all the dirt. but it will keep u dry and germs at bay. dry means good. wet and sticky and humid means not good. the powder is to keep you cool. mostly, keep them germs at bay for the night.

Many of us have had our shower. but them instructors wanna make dam sure we did it properly.

20 mins past. we lined up. all the instructors walked and inspected. we were all clothed. they than started to shout.

some one had not powdered their neck.

some one did not do their arm pits.

some did not do their backs.

they were really getting worked up. many were doing push ups there and than. lol. I just carried on giggling inside. trying not to lol.

time went pass. soon the whole company was just in their camo pants. tops all off. closer inspections. lol.

more got found out. no powder where powder should have been.

than the inspection went onto the feet. all boots off. socks off. a few did not do their feet and toes. more shouting. more pushups.

than came the order. every one strip naked. lol I so nearly fukin laughed out loud! think they are now really pissed off with us for not having a proper shower!

so. at about 0120hrs, heres about 120 recruits, standing butt naked in the middle of some fukin forest on that island. can you imagine that? HAHAHAHAHAHHA

the only lights were from the instructors hand held torches. our candles were all out, not suppose to be lit in case the enemy saw us.. lol! another thing that made me wanna lol more!

“ fukin hell u all. I give you 2 mins to get all white! and for the inspection, get your boots on!”

so we did. we had another shower.

2 mins later, standing to attention like we would do on the parade ground, but without the cloths, with our wifes beside us, they walked again. they inspected again.

fuk! there will always be some twat that seems to get it wrong.

Heres another thing. can you imagine people running naked with their boots on, their rifles overhead, at 130 am in the morning? well, imagine it!

so here we are, most of us looking at our fellow bald headed friends, doing just that. its fukin funny seeing your friend running past your tent, naked but with boots on, with his wife overhead! its hard to see, but you cant miss the person covered in full with white powder passing your tent. fukin unbelievable. but fukin funny.

At this point, the instructors knew that we`ve learned to take a proper shower. 

I just cant stop giggling all this while. Im sure many of the others too. come on! this is funny!

ok. we learned. shouting eased off. inspection over. people powdered more. got their cloths on. its time to sleep!!

true. no more shouting. no more pranks. the instructors pulled back to their tables and large tents. the guards walking the area kept on walking, changing pairs every hour. I could see the instructors doing their rounds too. they were looking after us.

fuk. my buddy and me did the 4 to 5 am stint. no sleep than lol.

well. that’s the comedy field camp. hope you enjoyed it.

Note- remember about the instructors not shouting much out here in the field? telling us not to wonder off? stick in pairs? ill explain why now. not in any particular order.

1- maybe they don’t want to “push” the weaker minded persons over the edge. Losing your head out here, first time in the woods, is not a good thing. so not much shouting. some people hate it and might de stupid things.

2- that island is, pretty dirty. “dirty” meaning its full of sprits. some call it sprits. ghosts. unhappy souls. lost souls. anything to do with the other world we know of. the sprit world.

 now, in that group of 120 recruits, there are many religions. many followers following many types. what ever you follow, do not piss of any other group. simple yes?

 like I said, the instructors stayed up all night too. they know how to deal with things like that. we don’t. some do. but almost all don’t. you will never know when some sprit takes over somebody. hence the marked areas, no go zones.

 3- we did the walk around guard duty. yes. we must all learn it. but also the instructors did their own. they walked their own rounds, looking out for us, and possible other worldly stuff as well.

More later on bout the sprit world, another story.