Learning to be intimate with your wife.

Continued from Army Boy 1 

Week of getting our wifes. The M-16 5.56mm Assult Rifle.

Week number 3 or 4 into my BMT, I think. we had to get used to the gun before we were given it “ properly” in some shitty parade some days later.

So after lunch, we lined up. weeeeeee. we gonna collect our “wifes”.

The “ Armskote Room”. the armory. guns, important shit is kept in here. not the bullets of cos. that might blow up lol.

Of cos, we have already done fuk knows how many pushups. not in line? lets do another 20. slow by a few secs, or not when they shout, theres another 20.

Each one is given a butt number. this is your gun, this is your rifle for the whole time you are here. hmmm… a few more weeks than to go.

My turn. went forward. or-ci-fer looked at me, I mentioned my name I think. he took one unit off of the table, butt number said, and just passed me the thinge. hmm. not that heavy. I fell back into the platoon.

we were all sexcited. wowowo. an actual gun. not that i`ve never held one before. I have, and even shot a few rounds up in Phuket. AR-15 and AK47.

so wads this plastic thinge? we were told it’s the M-16 (ar-15?). without the forward assist which I used later on in NS.

really. it felt and looked like some plastic toy. the non shiny forward guard. the matt black shitty looking butt. the worn out grip. the not too great looking matt barrel. so many batches of green horns have used the same weapons. so many years. its all in shit shape.

We already had paper lessons on it. we told all about it. shown all about it. wad to do with it. how to hold it. where not to touch. all that stuff. but nothing can beat the feeling of holding it live.

we marched back to the bunks. thus the real lessons started. all the instructors were there. each section had their own. we broke up into groups and started on the real handling of said item.

all very exciting. and of course the normal punishment that follows. lol. that day itself, we did many many pushups.

evening came. time to hand in our hot chicks. we were thought the method. in line, shouting our our numbers. handing it in through the doorway. signing the paperwork, all done in a way that we will remember. gota be done yes? cant be in a mess doing important shit like that.

the next few days, we learned more on the toy. we wore all our number 4`s. no more PT kit like the first day. Basically, handling of it. striping it. putting it back together. Oiling it. cleaning it real good!

The day came when we were to “receive” the guns “formally”. They will be presented to us from our platoon commander. Under the fuking hot sun!

Whole school was there. alpha all the way to jaguar.

Each company broken down into platoons. all on the dam parade floor. why cant we do this under the shade? nvm.

All was done co currently. not to bad. if not we would have all dropped from heat stroke.

So i trussed out my arms, the oci-fer trussed into my hands my hot chick. ok darling. lets make love for the next 2 months shall we?

After that day, things heated up. 

How to carry it proper.

How to look after it.

How to march with it.

How to stand at attention with it.

How to stand “relaxed” with it.

How to walk in the fighting position with it.

How to lie down and aim it.

How to kneel down and aim with it.

How to be in a foxhole and shoot with it.

How to fix it when a bullet or two gets jammed in it.

How to not let the instructors steal it from you when you sleep.

How to place it in your locker.

How to load the empty magazine into it.

How to get from a running position into a shooting position on the floor without breaking your face.

How to sleep with it so it wont go “missing”.

How to stick the bayonet on it. How to get it off.

How to use it with the bayonet, like a spear, to open up your enemy’s stomach. or balls.

How to slam, leaveing an inprint of the rifle butt on your enemies face.

How not to lose the firing pin.

How not to lose any part of your wife.

How to take out the muzzle and put the blank attachment on. How not to lose that piece of shit too.

Did I miss out any? its been a long time.
many many push ups were done i might add.

One thing they did not teach us is how to fuk the weapons barrel.

While all this is going on, we also learned how to play with the hated “dummy rifle”. Piece of shit heavy fukin item. Blue rubber round some chee by heavy metal. And the hot sun. Boy did we hate it.

Rifle PT they called it.

“ that’s it gentlemen! hold it out for another 10 secs”

“ why did you drop it huh? knock it down 20 now”

“ who says you can let the barrel drop down? x02 times round the parade square.”

“ u don’t like to hold it right? nvm, hold above your head and round 3 times”

fuk we all hated it. lol. but hey, never did say it was easy. hate, yes, but still must do. imagine your forearms. your biceps. fuk, they became hard steel ! the gals gonna love it!

We did this many many days. We got to know the weapon well. very well.

Live rounds. now, that’s even more fun )) That’s a story for another day.

Link to Army Boy 1

Army Boy 1

Infantry Day 1.

knn. no one sent me off. all holidaying in Korea.

fuk it. lol. eddie send me off at 8am I think. CMPB. shit. I still had 70% alcohol 30% blood in me. I don’t think I gave a shit really. (already did my right hand sampar thing a few weeks ago).

hence the start of my NS times. fukin drunk.

from that place,  never got shouted at. up the truck, never got shouted at too. guess there were still parents around. sisters too for some. even saw a boy kiss his boy good bye. hey ho all sorts I guess.

Drove to some supply base place. got our shit together. went into some large green bag thinge.

Trucked to some part of changi. they call it commando jetty. did not look so commando to me lei. run down looking concrete slab out into the water.

got off the trucks. the shouting started hehe. boy was there much. the kind, smiling ppl in camos were now not so kind nor smiley. think they turned into loud, vulgar ppl in camos.

their main aim was just to break us down into groups I think. I guessed so. we cant all fit into one boat load to cross that stretch of water to Pulau Tekong ( from hence known as PulauT ).

nice sunny day`s ride on a RPL ( rapid personnel landing? fuk knows now). clear skies. like on holiday lik dat. fishing off mersing. not. Passed the small one, tekong kechi?

arr. )) lalang jetty. here we come! landing on you for the frist time ever!

like on holiday, they have transport to bring you to your hotel. I must say, very nice of the saf to do that.) this cant be all that bad can it nick? nice holiday camp. very healty with all the greens around, much oxygen on this island resort. the only thing was the insistent shouting by the fukers in green. wish they`ed stfu.

Fuk me. got to the hotel. man, the shouting. Suddenly it rose. fuk lol.! seems like every fuker in green is having a shouting competition.  trying to drown out each other.

well, I looked at the guy to my left. he looked back. the chap on my right. he looked back too. we shrugged our shoulders. “they like shouting hor. knn all shout at same time we hear wad sia?” goondus.

I was warned b4 my holiday. nick. just act normal. don’t do anything they did not ask of you. don’t be a hero. be one of the normal chaps. blend in. so I did.

they shouted. I obeyed. did every thing they asked of me. quite happy myself I would say. look and learn. open your ears but don’t act out. open and absorb. don’t throw back. BLEND IN.

so we sat in the hot sun while they sorted out the paper work. who goes to which platoon shit like that. which bunk. normal first day in an army camp I suppose.

as I was the only other “ ang mor” in the whole intake ( later I found out there was 2 of us), I knew I was gonna get picked on by them ppl in greens. so sure as shit is black or brown, up came one of them. looked at me. leaned in, smelled the stuff I drank the night before, asked, “ u drunk? drinking last night is it?”

“er, no sir! not drunk. last night party till this morning 4am lei”. to admit, I think I was pissed. I was still swaying on my feet. guessed he did not like it. bet he was thinking how come this ang mor speak singlish so well and seems drunk.

“ I am sergeant. don’t call me o-cifer.” knock it down 20 recruit. looked at him. wtf? knock wad down?

So I was the first joker to do 20 push ups on that island. very proud of it too I must say.

that guy was to be one of my platoon sergeant’s as I found out later.

after the push ups, I guessed every one knew bout me. lol. no issue with it. still trying to blend in. but I guess I blew that huh?

after sweating in the sun for a while, off to our hotel rooms we went. nice. no aircon, but nice. large fans. open sided high walls. double bunks. a cabinet in-between each bunk. fuk this is nice. gonna be a fun BMT on this island.)

did we know how to unpack? they don’t think so. did we know how to line up items? nope. we sucked at it.? nope. we knew fuk all as to their standards.

told to dump all stuff after 30 mins. all fall in. time to feed the animals. hehe. the first time we fell in, with the green top and green shorts and them stupid black Physical training shoes.

we lined up outside. in a mess of cause. but other than a bit of shouting, we did not get “ tekan`ed”. first few hours in the army they did not push us. but I knew it will come in the next few days and weeks. prepared? I sure was.

Lunch. not bad. too little I think, but not bad. lined up. got the tray. got food dumped on it. did not ask for extras lol. even the cooks looked at us with distaste.

NOTE: the input of food in what ever format has been “ researched” by certain departments in the think tank part of the saf.  the amount of calories, fat, salt, sugar in fact all. no I have no problem with it. My cousin works in that department. am fore warned. Down the years it has been fine-tuned. but fuk give more la! so damm little.

we were not trainees in the ranger course. we did not have to eat in three minutes. we had bout 10 mins I think. and also the whole bloody camp was in line. went to the washing up area. tray back to the rack. fell in again. half fuk march back to the bunk.

rested. got called out again. pull up time. fuking chin up bar. did 8. need more training I guess.

NOTE: every time we fell in for what ever, it’s the chin up bar. could do 14 no problem by the time I left that island.

off to the barber than. long q. no matter. we were doing something. waiting to get the dreaded hair cut. fuk la. wads so dreading bout it? no hair better yes? use less soap. use less shampoo. no need to comb. no need to maintain. simple. some ppl looked so sad when their turn came.

half fuk march back to the bunk. we all looked the same! same round ball on neck, same green shirt, same green shorts, same stupid shitty black shoes. hahaha. when I looked at my self in the mirror, I pissed myself with laughter! liking the new hair cut dude!  heard that some chicks like bald headed army guys. maybe I can hook one of them when I book out in 3 weeks time.)))

Learning to bounce a coin on the bed. simple. just make the bed in the right way. pulled tight outwards and tucked in nicely under the bed. a coin will really bounce. sometimes if not, them in green they tend to like to overturn your bed and get you doing it all again.

wankers. but I know why they do it. to drill into us noobs to follow orders, to work hard to get to something, to press on no matter what, never give up.

Boots. Kiwi. damm. takes a long time to get that dam leather shiny!

some say burn the wax. some say use a spoon.

some say burn and rub. some say spit on it.

some say rub, burn, spit and spoon it all at the same time.

knn, I always wondered why must it be such. are we to shine on the parade square looking good? or are we to get muddy and kill the enemy? always hated the polishing of them boots. maybe its to get us to do something when theres fuk all to do?

all this bunk shit, boots shit, shouted at shit I know they do for a reason. to break us down and than train us as proper soldiers. gota be done.

day 1 passed. not too bad. ok wad. the corporals  and 3 strips not too bad lei. only saw the o-cifer once in the day when he came to look at his new batch of noobs. He left us in 5 weeks. ROD lor.

As the days went by, we got better at it. cleaning the toilets, cleaning the area, making a coin bouncing bed, dust free lockers, nice shining black combat boots, room free of dirt, toilets where you can sleep in and sparkling shit bowls. we were getting the hang of it all.

well, that’s day 1. 

Bike 3

Link to Bike 1 and Bike 2

so. here i am. lesson 5.01

bikes goes out the park area.

turn right. down the road in 3rd-4th gear, depending. round the curve.
signal right, mirror check, blind spot check, get into the right lane. stop with lights signaling right.

no cars? safety? ok clear.
make a right turn into the right lane.

immediately signal left, mirror left, blind left check, head into the left lane.
blind spot again, than turn left into lane. care full here. its a two way road.
keep left, signal left. going to make two left turns onto the slope.

The Slope.
you go up it in 2nd gear if you the lanes are clear. if not, u wait at the bottom.
Once up the slope, stop on it,in 1st gear, bout 80% up the slope. this slope is to make sure u know how to move off from a stationary incline from 1st gear. ok.

signal right, to show u intend to head off. check right blind spot. you move off. across the top, cut off signal, stop at the bottom of the slope before the STOP line. signal left.

lanes clear, check both sides. check left blind spot, move off out into the lane. head off down this road, coming to a cross junction.STOP here. green lights, red lights, do as you will.

Green, check right, left, blind spot and move off. check check check check even if cross J appears clear.

Cross the junction, come to a stop at some cones. signal left. check left blind spot, and head into the S course. start off in 1st, get into 2nd FAST !

The S course.
slight turn right, than a full circle anti clockwise, half way, full circle clockwise. turn out onto the main road. if busy, stop. if clear, head out and turn left again into a small lane. cut off signal light.

stop at stop line. signal right, into crank course.

The Crank course.
pretty much like the s course. its just 90 degree bends. do this same, 2nd gear. end of course, if clear, head on out and stop at the cross junction . STOP line.

When green, head straight. check right, left, blind, than go. check check check.

right signal on, mirror check, blind check, get into right lane. STOP line.

check right, left, blind, and head off. turn onto "main road",time of a lane change. signal LEFT, mirror check, blind check, and get into the left lane. Get rdy to get off the "main road". its time for the fun part! you line up for the plank. check right blind spot before moving off.

The Plank.

something 8 inch wide, 1 inch high, 10m long i think. aim is, to stay on it, not fall off. fail if you do.
u gota stay on it for 6secs. 1st gear all the way. maintain balance. relax body. grip tank with legs. lean forward a bit. look far. bla bla bla.

after this, stop. its the pylon slalom next.

5 cones. done in 2nd gear. before moving, check right blind. move off, get into 2nd fast!!!!!
left, right, left, right and out. simple?? do it in 6secs.
after clearing the last cone, head to the next, the E break.

The E Break.

stop at the stop line, in 1st. check ahead. no one at the end of the course? ok, its your turn. check right blind, than off you go.

get to 30-35kmp before the 2nd cone. after this 2nd cone, is where you relax at the speed. and get ready for the e stop. floor is wet. theres a water hose that makes it wet all day!

0.5m from the 1st white line, close off the trottle. once cross this white line, do your stuff.
more front brakes than rear. both foot on pegs. dont jam front or ull kiss the floor.
STOP before the RED line. pass it and u fail.

just before stopping, left leg down, clutch in.
relax. check right blind, right leg down, left leg up, get to 1st. check left blind, left leg down, right leg up, check right blind, signal right to move off, than go. head round the final two bends, into the park area, and thats it.

you will know if you fail or pass by 11am. hey ho.

so now, all im doing is doing the test course. round and round and round till the instructors know that you get it right. than a small test by them, u pass, than go book for the TP exam. finally the end is in sight.

a dog show.

so i went to this dog show. 1st time. lol all the different dogs.

went there to take some pics of a friends dog. some coffee name, mocha.

no not this one. this one macham suffer. stand there long long let ppl cut all the fur off.

this boxer nice. ) reminds me of lucy. 

this the puppy i went for. 

Mocha. a few months old. young punk golden retriever.

Cute little chap. damm playful. 

run also wanna play. 

siao liao. later go home sure kanna fuk one.

simply bo chap hahahahahah. long way to go to win medels and points.

small set up

in the office. leeetleee demo.

no input? this might happen!

ok, been many topics about mic inputs.

wad? cant hear?

1- speak up.











2- hold the mic closer to your mouth.











3- why no input? the audience cant hear shit.










4- hey sound man! u know your job or not? simi lan sia why so soft?







5- why your $10 million sound system sounds so shit? that singer i pay $20,000 for him/her to come perform for my kids birthday ok !







6- some big name artist? some small name artist?





7- so? how you hold your mic sia?











8- some newbie artist complaining why they cant be heard when they not doing the right things themselves?










well, the pic is wad will  happen if 1 to 8 ( or even more) dont happen!!!!

heheheheheheh

beware! this could be you!!!!

no flags? hm.. why not?

so much on the net bout “ why no flags”. hmm. so on the way to work on day, I tok this random shots.

from queestown somewhere till clementi.

Flag 1- only one? thats crap. should be more. wheres the rest? this is not good.

dont know. 

Flag 2- heres one more pic. only two i think. simi lan? so little? not right this is.

Flag 3- at lease three flags. why so little??? they dont love singapore or wad? maybe more will hang over the next 3 days. today is the 6th. the big day is the 9th. compared to a few years ago, there was lots more.. LOTSSSS more. this pass years, numbers have dropped. 

quite miserable.

Flag 4- says the same.. where all the flags?

Flag 5- this one you will see lots. but not hung by the people living there, like the rest of the pics.
   this flags hung by the grass roots and RC and GRC people. on the staircase landing. thats where they have access to. look. all floors have flags. one on the left by a resident. only that one.

oh well. thats my flag story. will be passing these buildings on the way to wrok next three day till the 8th. wonder if more flags will go up.

hey ho..