Bye ah ma

Every day, people are born.

Everyday, people die.

Fact. cant run away from that.

how does one deal with it? in many ways I guess. each one deals with it in their own way. very personnel.

granddad passed in 1994. it was, like, sudden. not expected. that was hard.

grandma, well, we knew it was coming. in and out of hospital. dementia. loss of memory. hospital visits. kept a few days for observation. the list goes on.

hence, it was expected. does it mean that its not as hard as granddad`s death? it is. but knowing in advance kind of makes you more prepared. not that a death can be prepared, but, I was prepared. most in the family were. it happens.

So………

u might not like what im writing, but hey its my page and ill write.

sat. morning. she passed. in her sleep. peaceful position. passed in the night.

every one knew by 9am. phone calls were made. the wake was called. seats. snacks. the “expert” was called to organize much of the stuff.

we normal people don’t really know how to run a funeral.

she was prepared. she was made to look good on her journey. her cloths she wore was the one she was always in. we humans picked it. she did not. her wore it lots, we take it that its her frav.

make up applied. hair combed. looking good there grandma. 

some kind of small white looking ball at her lips. like those pins with the round end. no idea what it was to mean. just let the expects do it. we just follow.

coffin. she laid in it. top half opened, from chest up to face. for humans to view her.

I was there at bout 11am. late? maybe. was working till 5am. day 1 of the wake. spend 2 hours.

the priest was there. Buddhist.

changed cloths. every one in the family has a “ranking” in a death. being the eldest grand son, chris not here, being in the UK, I was to stand at the front during any prayers.

in the order, front to rear. sons, grandsons, daughters, elder in laws, younger inlaws, great grand sons, great grand daughters, distant relatives.

friends or visitors who are present do not do the prayers during the wake. they seat around watching the family do it.

 kneel, bow three times, up. bow. three times. kneel. walk round the coffin three times. look at her. back into position. bow. kneel.

that’s one session of prayers. the priest will chant. say words.

session over. more to come later in the day.

back to work for me. cant stay the day or night. show time and tear down till 5am, and cont set up another show. finished at 10am. went back showered, back to venue, show, tear down.

so come Monday, went back for the last day of the wake. this is the day grandma gets cremated.

Monday 9am. live band turns up. plays music. everyone is there.

the experts gets the place ready for the movement to the burning place.

band plays on. things being kept.

prayers started. last view of grandma. bows. kneel. bow. up.

every one turns away from the coffin. no one is to look when they shut the lid on the coffin. done. we face the front again.

more prayers. the last few rites given I guess.

all lined up. face the floor. no one to look when the coffin is raised and carried out. once pass us, we can than look again.

grandma into the van. rear door shut. sons and grand son to the back of the van. same order in the prayers, we walked.

my dad, my uncle, 3^rd son, and me we pushed the van. of cos the engine was on. its symbolic. we were to assist her on the journey.

we walked about 400 meters. van stops. dad carries the burning joist stick. he gets into the front of the van.

everyone else gets into charted buses. and we headed of to mandai.

grandma reaches first. we all get off. saw grandma being pushed outa the van. onto some kind of automatic push device. very modern.

we all got ushered to viewing gallery number 2.

we were briefed, when the coffin is being automatically driven into the, hm.. oven?

we were to say “ grand ma, watch out for the fire. its coming. don’t get burned. run fast and be safe”.

along those lines. we were to warn her to be careful of the fire.

so.. we waited.  we saw the coffin come in.

it got placed on the device that brings it towards the oven. very robotic.

so. the thing starts moving. towards a set of wooden doors. as it got nearer, the doors opened. words were said in the viewing hall. as it went more down the tracks, words got spoken louder. as the dive with the coffin got to the end, it stopped. the coffin was raised. and a 2^nd set of doors opend. I guess it’s the oven.

the coffin started to get pushed in. the the first set of doors closed.

wtf?

I did not even see the coffin go into the oven.

why is it so in personnel? I want to see the coffin go in and burn. harsh? no. lack of heart? no.

why is it so robotic? cant we see it go in? why is the procedure like this?

it was not so impersonal last time as I remembered. at another location, we see the coffin go in, and burn.

not this place.

the doors shut. we did not see more. we were ushered out. washed our faces with water. got our footwear back on. got on the bus.

we got to the temple. this temple is going to be her spiritual home. grand dad is here too. so they will be side by side )))

prayers there. placed her “paper work” there. when she comes, she is under “probation” for a while. a few weeks I think. than she can “stay” there.

back on the bus and back to the house. lunch is served.  we ate. we chatted. that was it. we all went back home.

Tuesday morning. 8am at the house. all got on the bus. went back to the crematorium. time to pick up grand ma and bring her to her new home.

there she laid. on the table. white and ashen. broken up small bits of bones. high temp makes it white. brittle. the largest piece is the top half of the skull.

we all lined up to pick up a piece each. placed the piece on a red cloth. the last bits were placed by the people that worked there.

onto the bus. time to bring her to another temple, to lay her physical body.

more prayers.

opened the red cloth. we placed coins in it urn. same two coins. but not 1 dollar coins. only 10 cents, 20 cents and 50 cents. no idea why. grandma will look after this monies. than we each picked a part of her, into the urn. some form of talisman, a folded yellow cloth with writings on it, went in. the last part that went into the urn was the largest piece, the skull. lid put in place.

she now stays at block K, 8^th floor, apartment 8.

Grand dad will join her here, same block, 10^th floor, apartment 9. he is still at lim chu kang, but the rental is only for 30 years, so it was decided to exhume him, and burn him, and place him with his wife, my grandma.

so all is done. her spiritual home. her physical home. all done.

now its up to the living to sort it all out. rest in peace grandma. )))

so that’s the death of grandma.